“What a fetid, stinking, scummy, crappy, little world this is!”–Princess Melita Bonaparte-Film Noir Day Two Continued

“Film me in the dark, or by candlelight. I look better that way. You can’t see the blood as easily.”–Princess Melita Bonaparte (recently overheard when she was booked for credit card fraud, when attempting to sell off-shore oil drilling rights that weren’t hers to sell).

WHAT MAKES FILM NOIR LOOK GOOD? THE BLOOD? NO, THE LIGHTING THEY USE TO FILM THE BLOOD & THE REACTIONS THEREOF>>>>

2014 FILM NOIR FOUNDATION MONTAGE–“It’s a bitter, little world.”

Film Noir just makes crime look good & it's no wonder John Waters thought it was beautiful–but that's where the comparison ends. With Noir, the crime is real, real people, real crime–no parody intended—only the occasional dry & flippant humour when the crime in question seems about to devour the person(s) in the act of committing it.

No body got crime better than Lizabeth Scott in TOO LATE FOR TEARS. Why, this woman was way ahead of the game, if a husband was an inconvenience, she just bumped him off. O.J. Simpson must have been one of her early fans, only he played it out for real, instead of for reels.
Her ambition was along the lines of Wallis Simpson, only she just looked better, and a trail of dead husbands or boyfriends were collateral damage. What would you do if you were driving down a road, minding your own business, and some doofus dropped a briefcase containing sixty grand in the back seat of your open convertible? You know that isn't much money these days, but it might pay for the car! So, if the dolt would make it worth your while & add few more zeros, wouldn’t that be a sweet joyride?

The action takes off from there & Lizabeth Scott (as Jane Palmer–and that surname is no accident, clever writers them Noir script developers), along with Dan Duryea (Danny Fuller–yes, I read into the fuller, as in 'fill her up")–get on each other's nerves. She gets the upper hand for a while in this bumpy ride, but you know those moral purists have to spoil the fun. They were a jealous lot, could not stand how good Lizabeth Scott looked in those designer (by Adele Palmer) outfits while making bad. She wore those works of art with total authority. Yes, Lizabeth Scott is a class act, a real star. She played her role to perfection.

YOU TUBE: TOO LATE FOR TEARS-LIZABETH SCOTT, DON DE FORTE, DAN DURYEA-1949

The last of the five films screened on Day Two of Noir was THE HITCH-HIKER. Does anyone remember what their mothers texted them about taking candy from strangers or picking up hitch-hikers? This fun ride was well before texting, you smoked real cigarettes, not those horrible electronic ones! You got real cancer, not virtual cancer, and there was no cure, no 12-Step Programme. Back then, it seemed that multi-tasking, before it was ever given that silly name, was a fact of life. You could drive, smoke, and shoot a gun all at the same time. If you grew up watching Perry Mason on television, then you will remember William Talman was that other attorney who gave Perry Mason a run for his money. William Talman played the hitch-hiker, a serial murderer, based upon the real deal–Two fishing buddies pick up the historic psychopathic killer, Billy Cook: a film version of Clyde without Bonnie, directed by Ida Lupino, one of the few women who worked behind the cameras as well as in front of them.

The two buddies out for a nice weekend, got a whole lot more than they bargained for–and William Talman made for an excellent psychotic on the lam. You need an adult beverage before (during) and after this tail of terror. But the unblinking eye sees all, so don’t try to get over on hitch-hiker who has an eye that won’t close. You will be very sorry if your try it!

The Hitch-Hiker can be viewed in its entirety on You Tube, as it is in public domain! Don’t pick this guy up, go home, and watch it on You Tube!

Remember, “It’s a bitter, little world.”

It may be a a bitter, little world, but you can keep warm in a shirt that will remind you that it could be a lot worse. Yes, they have merchandise tables–and there’s one with your name on it!

Need Scaring? Fresh Blood?: You’re Next

Some people operate (they cut you open) on a quota system. We have blood banks that need some investing. YOU’RE NEXT!

This was not just another slasher film. True, I was in need of my between Full Moon blood fix, my reflection was not showing up in mirrors & I spent the last several days suppressing the urge to make projectile vomiting when my nostrils were confronted with the smell of garlic. Yes, I was blinded by morning light. I knew the only help I could get was in “Band-Aid” form. So, I took that option, and went to see the newly released YOU’RE NEXT.

My needs were more than sated. This is not just another slasher subset of the horror film genre. There was cause & effect. I groaned at the first scene, thinking, all I would get out of this was my need for fresh fake blood flowing from all apertures. What a set up! That’s what the director intended–you think you are going down the usual well paved road of bloodbath, and you are, but this time it’s different. You care about each character. You wonder what can you do to stop this! How can you send out brainwaves to these flawed (but not unlikable) people to stop the inevitable slaughter? In short, you wish you were not a hungry vampire in need of a fix, but a reliable, responsible, thoughtful person who cares about content and the craft of telling a story. You start wanting to be a paramedic, anything to be a Good Samaritan. Alas, the film goes on as written, and you did not get a call from the casting director. So you sit, helpless, as an audience member helping to do your part in keeping films in the theatre, digressing from the edge, the point of what this is all about…

This is a birthday cake where you get to have it & eat it too, along with a liter or two of transfusions. Keep your kitchen knives in FULL VIEW. Have extra ones handy & find a nice place to keep a baseball bat & a sledge-hammer. If you want to go over the deep end (and they don’t, but you might just want to do this as a conversation piece) install a guillotine behind the rubber tree plant in your living room. There’s no room for leaving any defense mechanism unmentioned or overlooked as your inner survivalist must attempt to thrive in this thrilling adventure of a family dinner that never got around to the second course, not to mention the pies that sat uneaten in the kitchen. The attention to set detail is as much a star as the actors. This wealthy family did not have a frost-free refrigerator, in fact, they had an old, old one that had the original factory logo painted over by hand. Their home was beautiful but not by Architectural Digest standards, but the kind of gentility lived out by wealth that lives an understated lifestyle. They keep their names OUT of the papers, and they’d consider having a personal Facebook account as something that other people might do.–But, despite their near aristocratic approach to life, something went horribly wrong. And I want you to go find out for your self just what that was & talk to me. I need your comments, always–and help me make it through the night without screaming.

Know at all times where your knife set is. If you hide them, you will lose precious seconds, time lost that could have saved your life.

If you hear a tapping noise & you think no one else is in the house, you are wrong.

I had hoped that I would not be reporting my demise, that I could keep a journalistic & professional distance between myself & the subject matter…but sometimes things happen that are just outside of our control, no matter how well intended that may be. Call 911!

Yes, I am on Facebook, and all that other stuff. I need your reassurance that this won’t happen to me…or, else…

YOU’RE NEXT AND YOU KNOW IT!

AND THOSE THAT MADE THE BRILLIANCE HAPPEN SHARE SOME THOUGHTS

If you wake up & can still walk upright without assistance, go to AMC Theatres 1000 Van Ness Avenue, San Francisco & be prepared to be NEXT! Ne

…But As Long As There Is Horror: Nightmare On Elm Street 2/ “Everybody in the world knows Freddy.”

Last night I had a nightmare come true. Got to meet Mark Patton the star of the 2nd film in this horror genre franchise. He has an art gallery in Pureto Vallharta. For some reason, I wanted to ask him about sharp objects, have no idea why, what got into me. I didn’t have the nerve, but the person behind me had one of the original prototypes of the leather & metal gloves used for the Freddy character. Based on that alone, he should be Head of the United Nations. No one would mess with him, and world peace would be firmly established.
THE BEST SCENES–THEY ARE CLASSIC!!!

Mark Patton played his part knowing & understanding the subtext & was able to speak of this experience with quite a spark of humour mixed with nostalgia. Important note added by Peaches Christ, was his direct & head-on approach to understanding the gay subtext made it easier for the next generation not to have to hide, and the need for that as a subtext is now a moot point. It no longer matters & actors & writers & all others who work in the film process, regardless of the genre, can now have the freedom to delve into issues that are specific to individuals, rather than skirt the realities of sexual orientation. Now, real relationships can be explored, thanks to how Mark Patton interpreted his part, and has been willing to step up to the plate and speak about it openly, without fear of recrimination.

SLASHER LEAVES IMPLIED DEATH THREATS FOR BONAPARTE PRINCESS!

The latest news, just released from the Palace: The Slasher has left blood curdling photographs of the horrific slaying of Princess Antoinette. It seems that he murdered her in front of the refrigerator, storing her severed body parts there, till Princess Melita discovered them late Tuesday evening. The Princess went into a deep state of shock & was unable to speak for several days. It was only today, during the end of the Requiem Mass, that she broke her silence, offering tribute to her slain daughter & solace to others who mourned her loss, not speaking of the visual death threats that were left in the Palace kitchen.

The Imperial household was under violent attack, with the recent murder of Princess Antoinette, whose blood seeps from the refrigerator in the Palace kitchen.

Hidden behind the Bonaparte favourite food items were the body parts of the brutally attacked Princess. One servant called it “Silence on the Lam” as the killer is still at large & believed to be sending veiled death threats to Melita Bonaparte.

The “Silence on the Lam” Killer left his calling card by an original work of art, commissioned by Princess Melita Bonaparte during the 2013 Film Noir Festival, by David Griffin, never imagining that her life would imitate the art form she has so passionately supported for many years!

Seduction By Drugs of Innocent Bonaparte Princess by Overly Friendly Slasher!

The horror unfolds as the totally innocent Princess Antoinette Bonaparte is led down a path of destruction by a vagabond who never in his life did one positive thing for humanity.

Her piteous cry for help was never heard, as the hideous vulture plied the poor Princess with more & more & more drugs. Her fate, alas, is the stuff of ancient Greek tragedy.

SERIAL KILLER CAPTURES CASTRO!/CASTRO REMPORTE TUEUR EN SÉRIE!

Just when it seemed safe to see a 35 mm film, a panavision horror returns to the Castro to bathe the audience with blood & death

Alors qu’il semblait sûr de voir un film de 35 mm, une Panavision horreur revient à la Castro de se baigner le public avec le sang et la mort.

This monster only gets worse with time. Ce monstre ne fait que s’aggraver avec le temps.

He makes it all seem so normal, making a comfort zone in the middle of a path of death.
Il fait que tout semble si normal, ce qui rend une zone de confort au milieu d’un chemin de la mort.