Bonaparte Passport Binge Bums Bureaucracy!

The function of a Passport is to create jobs for people who can’t work in the real world? Or is it to give permission to cross imaginary boarders legally, so that you can go to Constantinople & end up in jail there for doing what the locals do? You got me! But without a Passport, once I go to Constantinople (which is illegally called Istanbul), I can’t come back here.

Princess Melita Bonaparte explains that Passports were issued according to the Bible. I knew she’d say that. She claims to be kin to King Solomon. I looked it up in Wikipedia, and found out that what she said appears to be true. But she claims that Passports are now issued by Multiplex Cinemas & that’s how she got hers, by going to see films all the time & having them issue her a new Passport almost weekly. “I wanted to be able to go to every country in the world,” she said.

The Passport Office Staff were so fed up with the obvious (to them) document fraud, that one of them shot Princess Melita Bonaparte The passport office worker quit her job that very day, and is still on the lam. [/caption
In English history, King Henry V issued the first Passport, and Princess Melita Bonaparte claims to have that in her possession, and uses this as proof that she SHOULD be the reigning Monarch of the United Kingdom. “I keep in touch will all world issues by reading People Magazine, the National Enquirer, and going to action films. This qualifies me to be far more suited to manage the country than any of those Bush people!” The Princess screamed this so loudly @ 3:00, that car alarms went off, and someone called the police. False Alarm.

[caption id="attachment_6126" align="aligncenter" width="460"] Her Imperial Highness, The Princess Melita Bonaparte, actually thought that this #shareAMC #staycations was an authentic passport & went home, fiddled around, printed it, and tried to leave the country.

She, of course, got caught…

What worked as a #Megamoviefan did not work as a form of legal identity. #shareAMC tried to explain that they had no control of Princess Melita Bonaparte’s affairs, foreign or domestic.

The Imperial Princess really did think that she could have endless passports all over the world, due to her Imperial & Royal status.

Many will shake their heads with disbelief–but Princess Melita truly thought that #Maleficent was a country, same as #Transformers, #Godzilla. For some reason, she did not have that level of confusion about #Spider-Man. She thought he issued the Passport, and that it was a perfectly legal document. Her response to being asked what was the reason she was making a trip to any given country, was to reply, “#staycation.”

The Bonaparte Princess got #staycation confused with the song made famous by singer #ConnieFrancis. We had to include a video, to show her the difference in spelling!

The Bonaparte Princess was so deeply in love with #Spider-Man, that she thought she could get away with claiming that they were married. It did not work, as Spider-Man ripped off her mask, to protect his legal rights from being compromised. It created much tension between France & USA.

kookoko
kokok

After Spider-Man drew his line in the sand (or webbed her out of his life), Princess Melita Bonaparte turned to #Hercules for help. By that time she was in a state of desperation, having violated all the #Anti-Hapsburg laws in #Austria. She had no where else to go. No #ViennaSauges for the Princess.

koko
koko

Her last solo attempt @ Passport fraud was having her twin brother, Prince Roland Bonaparte II (better known as #CaptainSpaulding) pose for her. Her thinking was that no one would be able to tell the difference! This attempt almost worked, airport security let her get through. It was not till she got out the gin & had too much, that she gave herself away!

One of her other relatives (who prefers not to be identified, because he actually still has a Throne) got her a “Passport” that passed.

#Rumourhasit that the recent abdication of His Majesty, The King of Spain, was traced to his illegal effort to help his cousin, Princess Melita Bonparte, obtain this illegal, but much more professional looking Passport. We hope that she does not end up wearing an orange jump suit, unless it comes from the House of Versace.

We were saddened to learn of the Abdication of His Majesty, King Juan Carlos of Spain. We were stunned to learn that it was because of his efforts to help his befuddled cousin gain access to Greece to help in the Restoration of their Monarchy.

Princess Melita Bonaparte Volunteers to Take CEO Position @ ORACLE

I HAVE NO QUALIFICATIONS FOR THIS JOB, OTHER THAN MY UNPARALELLED BEAUTY & TRANQUILITY OF SPIRIT. I WOULD SAVE THE SERBIAN PEOPLE MONEY, AS THEY WOULD NEED TO CHOSE ANOTHER QUEEN REGNANT, BUT THE MONEY I EARN AS CEO OF ORACLE WOULD GO TOWARDS THE RESTORATION OF THE GREEK, PORTUGUESE, AND ROUMANIAN MONARCHY.

IF THE PEOPLE OF SCOTLAND WANT INDEPENDENCE IT MUST BE WITH THE FOLLOWING CONDITION: I, HER IMPERIAL & APOSTOLIC HIGHNESS, PRINCESS MELITA BONAPARTE, WILL BECOME THEIR MOST CATHOLIC MAJESTY & WITH THAT SECURELY IN PLACE, EDINBURGH WILL BECOME THE RICHEST CITY IN THE WORLD. THE COMBINATION WILL BE UNMATCHED IN THE HISTORY OF MONARCHY, BUSINESS, POLITICS AND BEAUTIFUL JEWELRY
.

“WE CAN EXPORT THE POLITICS, BUT MY BASIC PLAN IS TO KEEP ALL OF THE MONEY & WEAR THE CROWN JEWELS TO BREAKFAST.”–Princess Melita Bonaparte

Her Imperial & Apostolic Highness, The Princess Melita Bonaparte, posed before the post mortem (some question good taste & authenticity, but the Princess claims this is a True Fact & cannot be denied or questioned) head of her beloved ancestor, Mary Queen of Scots. “I cannot just sit by & watch my beloved Scotland lose her national identity & turn into a another frozen-yogurt, banana republic, without at least trying to show them a a better way of life, and teach them customer service skills,” pleaded the Princess.

Princess Melita Bonaparte Sees A Film & Learns How To Work For A Living!

2014 has been the year for wonderfully done, high-end production action films, Maleficent, Captain America, The Amazing Spiderman 2, and Guardians of the Galaxy, are just a few that come to mind. We have been challenged by magnum opi of future dystopian
calamities: #SnowPiercer, ThePurge, and #Divurgent headed the list.

With THE HUNDRED-FOOT JOURNEY, we have a film that deals with high end cooking, that has not an echo of Julia Child, but more of a call for humanity coming together & dropping the increasingly archaic notion that tribal association is more important than being humane. Helen Mirran, who has ruled in films as Queen Elizabeth II, operates an an Absolute Monarch, unyielding to a point of being a food terrorist. Then, something happens as she reflects upon the harm that her actions have had upon others, and she rediscovers the most important concept of any government by entitlement: noblesse oblige. Her recovery of that nearly lost concept brings about her Redemption & the rest all falls into place. Their could be no Queen without a court, and that court was superbly played by Om Puri, Manish Dayal, and Charlette Le Bon. Two striking different cultures find that they may, indeed, break bread together–and it’s not #WonderBread, but bread of wonder that makes them all see their place in the world a bit differently.

This is the simple story of how we eat makes us who we are–not just on a nutritional level, but it also embraces the cultural & ritualistic traditions that have been bestowed on us by centuries of our own agricultural & animal-hunting/food gathering history. Lasse Hallström has, to extend the metaphor, put the right ingredients into the recipe for this film, making it one of the more delightful departures from a plethora of well-done action films for 2014. See this, and eat well!

YOU TUBE TRAILER OF THE HUNDRED-FOOT JOURNEY–SO CLOSE, BUT SO FAR AWAY FROM EACH OTHER

Of course, Her Imperial Highness was inspired to become an instant expert in all manner of cuisine upon watching this fine film.

Being a perfectionist in all things, Princess Melita Bonaparte immediately went through a total immersion process (sort of like the Baptists, but more so) in learning about which wine to serve to which whiner. This is a skill that is a religious experience, it is more a way of life, like being BORN AGAIN. She took her cooking classes & will be the first Queen of Serbia to be a sou chef.

You must realise that it takes more than just cooking school to make a sou chef! If you don’t understand this, then you must go back & watch the film many, many more times. Buying just the right produce is just as important as how you cook what Mother Earth brings forth.

Growing up in the splendour of palaces was ”just another challenge for me, ” according to #PrincessMelitaBonaparte. As the #MostBeautifulWomanintheWorld, she considered it her duty to learn how to buy just the right food to serve to her people. “You are what you eat, ” The Princess intoned.

“I refused any special treatment because of my rank,” explained the Princess. “I was not entitled to wear the cap of Sou Chef until I had proven worthy of it. Now, it has the same value for me as my as my inherited tiaras from so many of my Loyal Peoples. I will now be able to serve them well on many levels.”

Princess Melita Bonaparte Lap Dances Way To Infamy

Her Imperial Highness, not at all to our surprise, has sunk to a new low. She now adds #LAPDANCING to her resume, and is not in the least ashamed of it.

What good is Royalty anyway, if they, at the very least, can’t act “Royal?” The Bonaparte Princess of the Imperial line has the audacity to be ‘in negotiations’ with the government of Serbia, in an effort to ‘offer her services’ as their first #QueenRegnant.

In her spare time, she lap dances, shamelessly, upsetting the social order. The most recent Lap Dance caper was pulled just last night @ Fork Cafe, 469 Castro Street. She was supposed to be there to honour Julie Newmar, not to promote her own laughable & pathetic career. Here we have proof that she knocked food from the Laps of Patrons & gave them her unasked-for version of a Lap Dance. Now, we understand why Peaches Christ has refused to consider her for SHOWGIRLS. The resulting photograph shows how low a person can go when entering the VALLEY OF THE DOLLS. The poor guests who had expected to be there to meet & greet the stars of SIXTEEN CANDLES & JULIE NEWMAR, were subjected to filth from Princess Melita Bonaparte. Today, she is expected to reprise her silly role as “THE HOT COP OF THE CASTRO”–it’s always at the expense of someone else, she pulls her capers.

Unroyally employed as a NON-UNION #LAPDANCER, Princess Melita Bonaparte not only brings disgrace to the House of Bonaparte & all other Royal Families, but takes away job opportunities from those who have trained diligently with such renowned institutions such as the San Francisco Ballet for the few #Lapdance jobs that are left. “I don’t care, I deserve to have fun,” was all the Princess would say when asked by reporting staff to justify her undignified behaviour.

Princess Melita Bonaparte: The New Hot Cop of The Castro

The soon-to-be released motion picture about Officer Chris Kohr, The Hot Cop of the Castro will be played by Her Imperial Highness, Princess Melita Bonaparte. Princess Melita did a screen test today, and it went far beyond expectations. “Of course, I cannot divulge much information at this time, but I am so very excited to be offered the part…it was a joy that Paramount employees were not calling me asking about my car!” enthused the ebullient Princess.

When asked about playing the part of a man, she replied, “I am a natural, just like Marlene Dietrich was. Who else has the versatility to play so many interesting roles?”

At that, we let it rest. But she insisted, “I will at last get the Oscar for this part, I deserve it.”

So, to the world out there hungry for any celebrity news, this is the latest.

Princess Melita Bonaparte, of the Imperial Line, will play a San Francisco Police Officer–and the name of the film we asked. The Princess responded, “IN THE ORANGE LINE OF DUTY.” We think Lasse Hallström has agreed to direct. But we forgot to ask him. We hope that The Castro Theatre will premiere it for us.

Her Imperial Highness, The Princess Melita Bonaparte is ecstatic to be cast in the newest biopic soon-to-be released (as soon as they come up with a script & director) IN THE ORANGE LINE OF DUTY-about the trials of being officer Chris Kohr, and the transition from being unknown to becoming an international icon. The part was tailor made for the Bonaparte Princess.

Melita Fashionista: How An Imperial Princess Puts A Face On Fashion!

Her Imperial Highness is no dummy when it comes to fashion, understanding that individual style is much more important than keeping up with the latest runway collection. But there is a blandness about models & manniquins that the Princess finds very upsetting.

“It hurts to see that our uniqueness as people is not given the credit it needs. So, I decided to put a face on fashion, mine!” Thus, it is that Princess Melita Bonaparte, the Most Beautiful Woman in the World, has now entered the world of haute couture simply by being a model herself, not charging a thing for her services.

“I just want people everywhere to know that they can be somebody, and how better to express this concept than by being a model for various clothing lines? It is a wonderful project that I hope will bring joy to millions who don’t know how to become computer programmers. Just be beautiful and let others take your photograph! It’s harder work than you may think,” declares the Princess.

The charm of song lyrics about San Francisco appealed to the Princess, & she readily agreed to participate in this project. “I particularly enjoyed the use of calligraphy as part of the design,” explained the Most Beautiful Woman in the World, PRINCESS MELITA BONAPARTE.

“Retaining my connection to the Emperor Napoleon & our Bonaparte heritage, gets me all excited,” the Princess breathed heavily to us whilst being interviewed. Her Imperial Highness is the Mistress of Multi-Task, being photographed & interviewed simultaneously!

“I felt so very lucky to have the best hair dresser & photographer possible. It was important to me to have the highest production values possible. I wanted a different look for each set of garments,” Her Imperial Highness told us.

“It was all new to me,” explained the Princess.
“I must admit, by the end of the day, I was exhausted. Being a perfectionist, I had thousands of ‘takes’ before carefully choosing the right one. I lost so much weight. I think I got down to 93 pounds & still felt fat.” Here the Princess in seen with a Belgian lace veil, an accessory she insisted was in keeping with her Mediterranean heritage.

“My hope in doing this was to help raise awareness of the need to Restore the Greek Monarchy. I want to help pave the way for their return to their rightful place in Greek history & culture. They should not be relegated to antiquity.”—Princess Melita Bonaparte: THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD.

The True Fact: Princess Melita Bonaparte is ABOVE Such Problems

Common people have stink problems & Her Imperial Highness does see the need for government assistance, and has appealed to all Royal Houses of Europe, Africa, Asia, and Greenland to help those who stink.

“I know nothing of such matters, myself, but feel obligated to help those who do,” the Imperial Princess told us at press time.

“This might be the key to world peace, and I am willing to give it a try. Thus far, all other efforts have stank, and I think there ought to be a better way of doing business.” With that, we have now heard from Princess Melita Bonaparte.

Always ahead of the Game of Thrones, sound advise about smelly politics from one who is above such matters–Princess Melita Bonaparte, The Most Beautiful Woman in the World.

And now, a word from Her Sponsors:

You Tube About How to Rid the World of Stink

MALEFICENT WAS MAGNIFICENT

With a story line that was simple, easy to follow, accessible, we now can see that MALEFICENT was not always like the Duchess of Windsor. In fact, she started life as a normal little fairly, a little girl fairy. She had fun, played in her natural habitat, and was altogether a charming & sweet creature.

Broken promises & a broken heart took their toll. This story is told from Maleficent’s point of view, showing us what meanness can do to the spirit, even the spirit of a fairy. She was mutilated by the one she loved, her wings taken, clipped. That was when everything changed for her, and she cast a spell on one whom she would come to love quite profoundly.

Angelina Jolie has never looked more enticing. Her performance wisely avoids the maniacal antics of frustrated, mid-level managers who wear power suits. As a fairy, even with her wings cut off, she’s a bit better balanced than what we see parading around in our offices these days. She keeps it together enough to have a believable purpose in life. Unlike her human counterparts, she still knows the difference between right & wrong, and while revenge is in the air (the one thing she does seem to share with bad managers), she manages to see through this, and there is redemption that saves her from drowning in her own hurt.

You Tube Trailer of Angelina Jolie as MALEFICENT

The finding of balance, in terms of mending her life wounds, is what I think we see happen with Maleficent, as the story unfolds. This, is one of the more important themes of the story.

Her Imperial Highness, The Princess Melita Bonaparte, generously gave of her time & advice to Angelina Jolie in preparing for “this role of a life time. I had turned it down, it was too much like my own life, plus I am too young to play the part, so I was so happy to help Angelina Jolie with the part.”

Angelina Jolie poster without the Imperial Princess. We are certain that Princess Melita Bonparte’s influence will make the film a huge success.

The Official Poster/Standee, as inspired by Her Imperial Highness, The Princess Melita Bonaparte.

X-MEN: Days of Future Past–Visual Trick & Treat

The title seems sort of James Bondish. Never Say Never Again–but it’s the X-MEN. Hugh Jackman is very much back in the saddle, clawing his way into & out of trouble. I need to call on my Inner Jesse Hawthorne Ficks & find a way to come up with a couple of paragraphs about this genre film without telling the story line.

How’s about this? This the first time I ever followed an X-MEN franchise story line. Don’t be late for this film, the Patrick Stewart character very coherently provides the context, and all that follows, is an extension of that. I was able not to nod out for this one. Did I stop losing grey cells, or did the filmmakers get audience feedback that the last couple of efforts were unfathomable? Can’t say, nor is the production company about to tell.

You will love President Nixon & his response to the mutant problem @ a White House Ceremonial Function. Only problem with this scene–by employing certain very precise camera angles & using just as precise lighting, Christ Christie managed to look very much like Richard Milhous Nixon. For some reason this look got lost & the camera lingered on him too long @ angles where this resemblance which was so very uncanny, faded. Once that happened, he looked like Chris Christie trying to look like Richard Nixon. This should have been caught during the rushes & the editors & camera crew should have stopped while they were ahead of the impressions game. They spoiled a good thing here. The backward glances @ “Nixon” needed to look scary & real, just as the front-on views did.

The film is sprinkled throughout by visual hilarity, none of which is overly intrusive, nor mars the plot/action sequences. It’s like having just the right amount of curry, if you know about cooking with curry, you treat it with respect. Seeing a couple of seconds of the original televised Star Trek, without it being milked to death, was one of many very funny cuts, that got well-deserved chuckles from the audience. They got this one right. As P.D.Q. Bach said, “To curry favour, favour curry.”

The Promotional Standees gave the impression that the film was going to strongly feature Patrick Stewart & Ian McKellen (the nice one). It didn’t. Maybe they just looked better with an “X” superimposed on their faces than did the others.

The morphing of the mutants continues, high-powered & @ a high speed. But the characters are generally more interesting & we care, once more, what Hugh Jackman does with shirt on or off. He is a fine actor. I only hope he finds another Oklahoma, and is able to continue to show his many-layered versatility as an actor/artist.

This X-MEN was a win for all concerned. And if you like vintage Buick Riveras, someone pimped one just for your pleasure.
https://www.facebook.com/xmenmovies

YOU TUBE TRAILER-X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST
There will be time travel…

YOU TUBE-The Focus is intense relationships, which helped make this more interesting…
“You Abandoned Me!”

Her Imperial Highness, The Princess Melita Bonaparte, remains astonished that she did not receive top billing over the title for X-MEN: Days of Future Past. “I day dream all the time,” she declares.

You Tube Buick Rivera Infomercial -1973
“Wouldn’t you really rather have a Buick?” X-MEN did.

PRINCESS MELITA BONAPARTE GETS DOWN TO CONSTRUCTING RESTORATION OF GREEK MONARCHY!

Her Imperial Highness, The Princess Melita Bonaparte follows in the path left by her Grandmother, Princess Marie Bonaparte, The Princess Andrew of Greece. The Greek Republic, all the dictatorships that have come & gone their nasty way, have left her totally unfazed. “They were not true Greeks, they cared only about personal glory. I have only dumpsters for them,” she tells us.

“The so-called Republic is terrible. They treated us, their Royal Family, terribly. They let Tatoi Palce go rack & ruin. It is up to me to make it habitable once again, so show to the world that Greek Culture did not end with St Paul, but has evolved like others. We are a modern Constitutional Monarchy that has been bullied by greedy politicians. We are eager to return, live within our means, and want to give our lives in the service of the Greek people. It is only a matter of time that the clouds of lies with be lifted. Once that happens, we will be vindicated, and return to the people who love us, who have missed us–and never leave them again.”

With that, Princess Melita Bonaparte wasted no time demonstrating her construction skills with a bulldozer, in perparation to adding a new wing to Tatoi Palace. “It will be used mostly to house antiquities of the more recent centuries, since about 1000 A.D., explained the Princess. “With a history as ancient as ours is, you cannot just lump all things together. People need to be able to take things in, one Era at a time. We look forward to the time we can focus on these matters instead of dealing with mean crooks who take these items to auction houses, at the expense of our heritage.”

Princess Melita Bonaparte considers the heritage of Greece priceless. “All Eras must be given equal consideration. All have contributed to Greek culture as we know it today. It is my job as part of the Royal Family to make sure that this heritage is properly curated & stays in Greece.”

Princess Melita Bonaparte demonstrates that she is not afraid to work. ” I am married to Greek culture & ideals. I believe that a wedding dress should not be used only for one day, but should be used to renew your vows of fidelity at every opportunity. I eat breakfast in mine.”

No one understands this concept more than Princess Melita Bonaparte. “I personally think that the money spent on Castro Street was not a good idea. I needed more jewelry & a better wardrobe in my role as a Member of the Greek Royal Family. They could have extended the Marshal Plan to help with the Restoration of the Greek Monarchy.”

Anti-Monarchist hecklers surrounded Princess Melita Bonaparte & threw her into the path of her personal bulldozer. This sort of civil disruption is why she feels that she needs to return to Greece to restore respect & lawful government. She narrowly escaped with her life, but later granted a pardon to those who were uneducated as to recent events in Greek history. They walked away in awe & wonder–fully loyal to the Monarchy.

Can Tatoi Palace Be Made Fit For A King Once More?

“Look what has happened to the Tatoi Palace of my youth!” –weeps the Princess

“Tatoi Palace has become the Grey Gardens of Greece. It is a terrible shame what the Republic has allowed to happen.”

“The once beautiful & idyllic guest cottage must be brought back, otherwise, we will have to stay at Holiday Inn in Athens,” laments the Princess.

“The Restoration of Tatoi Palace Will Lead To The Restoration of the Monarchy.”–Princess Melita Bonaparte

You Tube of Tatoi Palace