If You Want To Be Cool–Be Ready To Die For It! Slit your own throat! Do it! Not if you are under 18.

I think Desi Arnaz was the one who came up with syndication. It’s a good idea, you can reuse & recycle. You can gain a sort of useless form of immortality. Why, if you come up with a terrific idea, your intellectual property can sort of rule the world.

That’s just what we did here. Be different. Put off quitting smoking. Put off buying a cell phone upgrade. Put off fixing a leaking roof.

Just put off everything, except the IRS. That idea would be really bad, expensive. You don’t want that.

So, get ready, take that first puff–do it slowly, and put it off as long as you can, before you slit your throat.

If you are under 18, ask parental permission to get fake blood, and make sure you clean up the floor after it’s over–THERE WILL BE FAKE BLOOD!

CLICK & DRAG THAT FIRST CIGARETTE THAT YOU WANTED TO DO WHEN IN 4th GRADE…

…BUT WERE AFRAID YOU’D GET IN TROUBLE IN SCHOOL FOR SLITTING YOUR OWN THROAT!

Escaped Elephant Mauls Princess!

San Francisco: Powell & Market Street MUNI terminal entrance/exit. Her Imperial Highness, The Princess Melita Bonaparte, was attempting to do volunteer work, lending her name on behalf of the Grey Gardens of Greece, Tatoi Palace. “It’s in terrible condition, so much in need of restoration as is the Monarchy itself.”

Her selfless efforts were met with an unexpected & life threatening encounter with an escaped elephant, nearly causing her premature demise, and certainly spoiled her fund-raising efforts last weekend. “Funny how the controlled press did not report about this, they don’t care about my Greek relatives & the squalor that has befallen the Tatoi Palace, one of the homes for my Grandparents, Prince & Princess Andrew of Greece. My Grandmother was better known as being Princess Marie Bonaparte. They would both be so sad about the condition of the Palace.”

“I think the elephant is a lineal descendant of those used by Hannibal when he crossed the Alps a few years ago,” mused the still unnerved Bonaparte Heiress.

“It was a crime, a set up–to get rid of me, and keep the Greeks chained to that dysfunctional republic that is forever in debt. They need to put me in charge of things, that’s the best way!”

“This was an assassination attempt,” the Princess maintains. “Everyone saw it, and no one tried to help me.”

“If this had happened to Princess Anne, she would have gotten a saddle & ridden it in a horse show! But, Oh, no, the crowd was screaming “Kill! Kill!” Why do they hate me so?”

Princess Melita Bonaparte’s fund raising efforts go largely unnoticed as she barely escapes with her life. “I’d do it again, for the people of Greece,” claims the dedicated Imperial Royalist.

“Tatoi Palace is my home,” declares Princess Melita Bonaparte
“I want it back!”

Murder(S) In My Apartment–! 911!!!!!! Am I Next?

Someone was holding my hand! Shots rang out in the dark & I heard tires peeling off rubber, the squeal deal & not a uniform in sight. No, the police won’t come to my Grey Gardens–the corpse disappeared–or stuffed into a dumpster. All that is left are clues that it happened. The knife, intended for pies, went for a throat. A movie theatre ticket, proof of some connection, but what? What happened here? What was the motivation? A Dorothy Malone autograph, maybe?

You don’t leave a bloody knife in plain sight with a label, not unless you are trying to plant evidence to fool the county appointed investigator. It looks like the Court tagged the evidence before charging anyone with the crime.

BIRTH OF A PARK BENCH MURDER–MURDER, HE PAINTED?

A heinous crime on Corona Heights–reaching to the very inner sanctum of the highest ranking member of the Bonaparte Family.

Not a drop of the precious distilled spirits seemed to be touched, but what of the ticket, to where? Was this meant as a warning?

And the casually tossed newspaper–what was this person reading? Or, is this just something else to throw investigative journalism into a state of shambles? The only person who might know isn’t saying a word, at least not about this: Princess Melita Bonaparte.

Premature Death of Hostess: Or I Am A TWINKIE ZOMBIE?

Just a few, short months ago–union workers were blamed for the demise of Hostess. I needed them for Glen Acornn, who is sort of like Pandas who can only eat bamboo shoots. Glen Acorrn can only eat Twinkies, it’s the only source of nutrition his fragile inner-ecosystem can tolerate. With any other food, let us gloss over this part. Let’s just say, it’s not a pretty journey!

Now, on to topics that would not cause me a scolding from Miss Manners. You see, the whole Twinkie/Hostess hostage thing was totally rigged. In that respect it’s like going to college, getting a good job, and buying a house. You can’t do any of these things any more in America, not legally. It used to be a mantra: “To get a good job, get a good education.” That turned out to be a load of crap, worse than any non-Hostess product would cause Mr Acorrn to produce, or outsource. You can’t afford to go to a good college. If you do go to any college, you won’t find work in the area you studied–so, enter as a data entry operator, with some other name, get paid low wages (I forgot Walmart is an option for some), and be willing to work 12 hour days, with no time & a half. Buy a house, you will find out that (1) you can’t keep up the payment. And (2) if you live there for a while, and try to sell it, you won’t be able to fetch the remaining costs of the house. Forget about any profit on the house thing, that’s no longer part of the American way, unless you are already rich.

So, back to Twinkies, they are back! You can get them @ Safeway or other fine supermarkets, and they have a longer shelf life, longer than ever, so I have read. If I had only been clever enough to buy a gross of them, froze the damned things, I might have made enough to get myself in debt for a house payment. But, alas, I did not think of this.

Tell you this, they don’t taste as good as the pre-bankruptcy ones did. And the ones that we had back when I was a mere wisp of a lad, tasted even better than the pre-bankruptcy ones. Perhaps, all that was because my taste buds were underdeveloped, or maybe they had not refined the preservatives, and preservatives before the British Invasion were more flavourful? I don’t know, can only speculate about these horribly scientific matters.

For now, they are back, you can eat them while you still have a desktop computer with Windows, or your mobile device actually starts calling you on its own, and you no long know anyone off-line, your life is virtual–no more real-time–now, get to eating!

THEY ARE BACK–THE ZOMBIE FOOD GROUP HAS COME BACK FROM THE DEAD!

They are back–Risen from the dead! Sate your inner vampire! Eat them!

Can’t they bring back Woolworth & Pan Am? Nuns? Catholic schools? Connie Francis?

SIGN UP FOR KILLER YELLOW JACKET WASP TRAINING PROGRAMME!

This is one class that City College of San Francisco should offer. It would sell out, require expansion, and put them on the international map of institutions of higher learning!

All I need are a few volunteers willing to die for art. It’s easy. Make sure your life insurance is in force for more that two years. Make me the beneficiary, and credit will be transferable. You just won’t BEE there to benefit.

Come on now, I have bills to pay. Take full advantage of this opportunity of a life time! Literally!

Don’t be scared. It only takes a few moments, and if you survive, you’ll get the credits all transferred–all nice & neat…and while all your friends are doing Excel spreadsheets, you have a deal with a publishing house, your own reality show, and an interview with Jay Leno! Don’t let C-Suite executives sell you short on living the American Dream. Swarm on over!

Don’t let this opportunity pass you by—You can’t get this on LinkedIn. You will be encouraged to make a You Tube, bring your own bottle & equipment!

Napoleonic heroes required for yellow jacket training programme. Don’t be stung by being left out of this hive! Buzz here now!

Your Personal Trainer: Her Imperial Highness, Princess Melita Bonaparte

Those Bonaparte Bee-stung lips will bee there to help you transition. The class is Pass/Fail.

Wommy Win Worries Wither Bonaparte Princess-Total Nervous Breakdown

Wommy Awards

Submitted Entries (Not yet checked out) (1)

Cart

Submitted Entries (Not yet checked out): 1

Drafts: 0

Submitted Entries (Not yet checked out) Subtotal: $549.00

Subtotal: $549.00

Help

 

WOMMY Awards

Submission ID: 7194260
Jun 29, 2013 12:26pm | Remove | Print (To submit a draft, select edit and submit from the edit screen)

Submitter Profile

Submitting Company:

Princess Melita Bonaparte

Submitting Company Logo:

Membership Status:

Non-member

Contact Name:

Thomas Outt

Title:

Princess Melita Bonaparte

Company:

Princess Melita Bonaparte

Email:

thomasoutt@hotmail.com

Phone:

 

Address:

 

City:

San Francisco

State:

CA

Zip Code:

Country:

US/France/Belgium

Other Companies that Contributed to the Campaign:

No other, Her Royal Highness is in exile from France & entirely self-funded in her campaign for world peace & follows in the footsteps of her beloved grandmother, Princess Marie Bonaparte, in sharing her interests in psychoanalysis as learned from Sigmund Freud.

Names and companies of individuals who contributed to the campaign:

None–only the Princess

Submission

Client:

Princess Melita Bonaparte

Submission Category:

Influencer

Submission Title:

About Princess Meltia Bonaparte

Case Study

Princess Melita Bonaparte has striven to give the world a unique perspective on the roles of cross gender living, by adopting all things she could not have possibly had through accident of biology. Hence, she is a direct descendent of not only all Royal Houses of Europe, but from Cleopatra as well. For her, being Royal comes naturally, and her form of drag requires no make up & causes little, if any harm, for sewage systems after a day on the job.

Her goal, as previously stated, is world peace & equality for all people. Her brand logo can be none other than a photograph of herself & any attributes already bestowed upon the House of Bonaparte.

She became the very first Ambassador to Antarctica, the first time such a position was sponsored by two countries, France & The United States of America. Both nations have attempted to deport her.

She wishes me to thank all who have shown their love & support to her during this journey.

Brand Logo:

Supporting Images:

 

These images should support your case study.  They can be photos, powerpoint slides, metrics, graphs, screen shots or anything else that will help the judges understand your submission and the case study. You can upload up to five images.

 

Please do NOT upload headshots or team photos of those who worked on the campaign at this time.

Supporting Image #1:

Supporting Image #2:

Supporting Image #3:

Supporting Image #4:

Supporting Image #5:

Supporting Video:

This video should support your submission and case study.  It should help the judges to better unerstand the submission.

Supporting Video:

Princess_Melita_Bonaparte_Congratulates_President_.flv

Terms and Conditions

I have read and understand the terms and conditions of submitting my campaign to the WOMMY Awards competition outlined in WOMMA’s Non-disclosure form.

 

Remove | Print

IF YOU WANT TO WIN A WOMMY, YOU HAVE TO ASK FOR MONEY FROM MOMMY! REALLY, “THIS SHOULD BE FUNDED BY THE COMPANY & THOSE WHO ATTEMPT TO ENTER SHOULD NOT HAVE TO BE TRUST FUND BABIES!”-Quotation directly from Her Imperial Highness, Princess Melita Bonaparte
And she always is very straightforward, as Anna Freud said of her Grandmother, Princess Marie Bonaparte, The Princess George of Greece.

SHOULD I BE DOING BETTER THINGS WITH MY TIME?

It’s not my fault that someone made an interesting drawing (?/all subjective) on a toilet paper roll holdiing device in the Men’s Room. It’s all I did, really. Just thought it was a bit on the Picasso side & if he had been interested in photography, I think he may have taken a shot at this, so to speak. But, he was a genius, and I suppose that means he did not have time to take such photographs as he was far too busy being a genius.

I get to step back, not being a genius, and record the genius of those who can express their hearts, their souls, in a way that grabs us, shakes us, makes us cry, makes us think.

THE MEMORIAL OF THE UNKNOWN ARTIST:

Two views, one to prove that it is a truly functional work of art…

Here is to prove that art can be incorporated on a very functional level.

Just the smallest shift, allows for artistic ambiguity.

Thoughts & expressions about what makes art ‘art’ will be discussed till the meek (roaches) have inherited the earth, and the artwork we left behind. From my perspective, many things go into art–but one thing I think that is a common denominator of ‘good’ art is ambiguity, not quite fully explaining one’s inner thinking, nor allowing a full sharing, a sort of holding back. Along with that, the artist who is not afraid of these matters, lets the viewer have a say in the process.

A LITTLE FELLOW WITH ONLY A TOWEL!

On the way to have lunch with Princess Melita Bonaparte, I found this little fellow, trying so hard to come up with transit fare. All he had was a towel, nothing else. I felt so sorry for him & gave him some special Pop Tarts from the famous recipe that Princess Melita Bonaparte plans to have syndicated into an international food festival–

Armand de Bourbon, with only a towel, too short to climb the stairs, and no money to pay MUNI.

His name is Armand, and he is distantly related to the Count of Paris. If you look closely, you can see he is stepping on a penny–the first, we hope, of many on his way to fame & fortune!

ART GAME VII-Princess Antoinette Bonaparte–

I doubt if Princess Antoinette Bonaparte much liked the idea of being turned into an Easter Basket decoration by her mother, Her Serene Highness, The Princess Melita Bonaparte. Being crammed onto a handle of cheap, wicker, thrift-shop Easter basket must have chaffed her little doll legs. No wonder she ran away from home!

Princess Antoinette Bonaparte, daughter of Princess Melita Bonaparte, in a specially designed Easter Basket, shortly before running away from home.

We found out later that via supernatural powers (The Divine Right of Kings) her mother turned her into a chocolate Easter Bunny–and things went into a sort of Twilight Zone after that happened.

If you look up, _alley of the Dollheads? Did you see the movie, read the book?

Well, I don’t think you did either, but I will write it, if anyone wants me to do that. Just remember, look up, but don’t look directly @ the sun, or you will surely not be able to see them.

I just have this creepy feeling that these Dollheads are a recent innovation to Social Media. They can see you & read your mind. Don’t laugh. It’s getting there!