Orthodox Rite Installs Princess Melita Bonaparte as Queen Regnant of Alaska & North Pole

Orthodox Metropolitan, Santa Claus, installs Princess Melita Bonaparte Queen of Alaska & North Pole-22 December 2013

The governance duties willfully & capriciously abandoned by Sarah Palin have now been graciously bestowed upon Her Imperial Highness, The Princess Melita Bonaparte, by the Orthodox Living Saint & Bishop of All The Northern-most Regions, The Metropolitan, Saint Nicholas, more popularly known further south as Santa Claus.

Word from most known American press sources say that Arizona Senator John McCain, breathed a sigh of relief upon receipt of this news. Others seem to recall him whispering, “Finally, something good had to come of all this sh*t. We may not ordinarily endorse any form of Royalty, but even a retired tilt-a-whirl operator would be a step in the right direction. Melita Bonaparte has my full support & sympathies, if she needs them.”

The historic & symbolic clasping of hands between the Imperial Princess with the Living Legend, Santa Claus, is an Apostolic Ritual, with its earliest recorded origins believed to have been when Cleopatra attempted to pull Marc Antony from her barge in order to escape from Emperor Augustus. Melita Bonaparte claims to be a direct descendent from the last of the Ptolemaic dynasty.

As of today, 22 December 2013–the change of title & regalia will permit the Imperial Princess to be addressed as Her Imperial Majesty in the former State of Alaska, including the North Pole. Her official duties will begin Midnight 1 January 2014. According to sources close to the newly crowned Queen of Alaska, she plans to use her influence to find peaceful means of complete restoration of the Greek Monarchy. “We should rather have the Greek nation have its own Monarchy, I will not be able to manage Alaska & Greece at the same time.”

Dia de los Muertos–2 November 2013

This has been long-held tradition that has only recently been given appropriate space & attention by the San Francisco community at large. It has finally come to be seen as something that is for everyone. I attended my first procession three years ago. After returning home, I understood that I had missed a lot by not paying more attention to what is so nearby & so very available, if you just take a moment to see it.

This is my very first altar dedicated to Dia de los Muertos–from Corona Heights with love!

I do hope for the next year’s Dia de los Muertos that website & poster designs will use the day-month-year format. It is more in keeping with correct usage with the Spanish language. Additionally, this format looks better, and follows the logic in keeping time–staring from the smaller unit (day) to the larger unit (year), making a complete circle. The way American usage has evolved symbolically disrupts the natural flow of things. Perhaps, there’s a message of thought change that is embedded in this concept?

If you look, you will see Edith Massey (it is a framed post card actually written to me by John Waters–and no, I am NOT kidding!-he sent it to acknowledge a horrible crime story from the Los Angeles Times I sent to him about a person who set a taxi-cab driver on fire!). You will also see my beloved Princess Melba Bonaparte, who calls herself Peaches Christ. Jesus, I am so glad Mrs Christ took her! Then, there is a drawing of Her Imperial Highness, The Princess Melita Bonaparte, in a cheesy, plastic frame I found in pieces on a parked car that had a ticket on it. I used Gorilla Glue, and put the frame all back together, and it was perfect for the Perpetually Exiled Imperial Bonaparte. Please notice, the programme from the fabulosa CARRIE: The Musical! That was an entirely different spin of the bottle for that story, it took the subject matter very seriously & I was impressed with the quality of the performance & just wanted to take the mother home with me, to make me put my Office clutter in order, after a prayer session! The tank top draped over the lamp is from San Franpsycho, a store on Divisadero that deserves your Death Cult Dollars! The book, I Yelped loud & long about the rudeness of the staff of that store: Loved To Death–they need to read up everything Miss Manners has ever written. The name of that book (get it online, prevent storekeeper bullying!) is Heavenly Bodies–more about that later–by Paul Koudounaris. It’s a keeper, but the store needs new managers. So spend your Death Cult Dollars someplace else! See you Saturday! The dead don’t like rude staff people, and they have their ways…

THE SAINTS GO MARCHING ON!

Now, that the air has been cleared about electronic cigarettes, we now have a Saint Update. Catholics have a Saint for everything. So, for all those zeros & ones who used to feel so lonely, there is now room for blessing & being blessed. Here is the Saint for Digital Mobile Devices. We don’t want to get a head start on the Vatican, just help them out a little. So, now I can get one of these contraptions & Dial-A-Prayer! And maybe have a contest to assign a Saint to watch over our digital doings. Any thoughts as to who would be the best Saint to have for Mobile Devices? My pick is St Christopher, he was probably imaginary, plus, I have recently learnt that when ferrying over the Christ Child on his back, he dropped the very first Cellular Telephone into the river. He’d just invented it, and said, “Jesus Christ!” in a rather thunderous voice when this momentous thing happened. The rest is history. Then, when people, even non-Catholics, liked him so much, the Vatican stepped in & suppressed him, telling us he was not needed on the Universal Calendar anymore, that there was not enough information about him to authenticate his observance. Well, I just had a Revelation, and thought I’d share it with you. It looks like this Saint is a woman, so Christopher might be out of the running for a while longer. But she seems nice enough, and maybe she’ll help Chris get his back in place in line.

Keep your Spirits up, and let this Saint pray for us & act as an intercessor for our unspoken needs.

Word has it that this Lady found the long lost, very first Cellular Telephone that was invented by St. Christopher, but got dropped in the river. Her finding this relic assures her a valid role in watching over us in a loving way. Lord knows, we need it.