Wishing to make their stand perfectly clear in a world that hops from issue to issue, the government of Uganda (may we point out that Uganda is not a Monarchy?) has told Princess Melita Bonaparte that the assassination attempt on her life on Christmas Day 2013 was entirely her fault, that she brought it on herself by being a person who has no appropriate identity & who is ‘intrinsically disordered.’ Therefore, they have decided to issue a warrant for the destruction of all rabbits, being afraid & concerned that there could very well be a rabbit uprising any day now.
Rabbits, it seems, have taken over Australia, and the government of Uganda wants no part of having to repeat what the Australians have learnt the hard way. All rabbits have been issued ear tags, and their homes have been routinely stripped of all possessions.
We don’t know what most rabbits own, beyond the shirts on their backs, but Her Imperial Highness, is issuing a FULL PARDON to the Christmas Rabbit, admitting that she had fed the poor creature a bacon sandwich, and “It goes against their nature to eat diets that have any meat in them. So it really was my fault.” Princess Melita Bonaparte has attempted to contact all embassies, all unemployed Bonapartes, and the Windsor family, to be generous and help take in any rabbit that comes from the country of Uganda.
“All along it was my fault,” confessed The Princess. “I fed her a bacon sandwich, and rabbits don’t eat bacon. I have issued the Christmas Rabbit a full pardon & seek to help her relatives in Uganda find shelter.”
I won’t send them any of my cutlery, the Princess proclaimed in her annual State of February message–broadcast in 13 languages, starting in one more hour.
“My dear friends, loyal supporters, and dire enemies. We must set aside our differences to now come together to show solidarity for Uganda’s rabbit population. They are being traumatised beyond belief. Please, let us send a message of solidarity for Uganda’s rabbits. They are so much better than their government & deserve to be treated like the sentient beings that they are.”
Princess Melita Bonaparte has attempted to reach Pope Francis about this issue & is willing to help airlift rabbits seeking sanctuary to safety.
“If only the Greek government would restore our family to our rightful place in the order of things, we could invite the Ugandan rabbits to the Tatoi Palace, but it’s so terribly dilapidated, I doubt that they’d be very comfortable there.”
“IF my subjects and bitter enemies have any good suggestions as to what we need to do to approach the Ugandan government about not making everything illegal, please help us.”
“Mi case es su casa,” proclaimed Princess Melita Bonaparte of the Tatoit Palace. I hope they can overlook the condition.”
Princess Melita Bonaparte thought the Ugandan rabbits could eat the vegetation that has taken over the palace. “They would benefit us in this respect,” she was overheard saying.
The government (not a Monarchy, we repeat) of Uganda has erected a fence. Rabbits on the inside of the fence must fear for their lives. Those on the outside, looking in, must understand that they could be on the inside looking out, and not to get too comforatble.
“Make no mistake about it: Uganda is the newest Tea Party Colony. Soon they will have Wal-Mart & Boston Baked Beans. It will stink, believe me!”–Princess Melita Bonaparte
Thomas Outt 