Now Captain Spaulding, like his counterpart, Princess Melita Bonaparte, is taking over America–He is just like a stealth bomb–wants all the tax money & none of the bother. “I don’t want to have to work for a living, I don’t go ’round putting rubber chemicals in bread, and I don’t take dogs inside of restaurants, hospitals, or welfare agencies, so why shouldn’t I get all the money & fame I want?” He pouts like this all the time, and the best thing is just to run the opposite direction when you see him posing in front of pre-dumpster disposal art. But look how wonderful those doomed displays are! That must be part of the poetry of pre-Dumpster detritus. It’s splendid one day & rotting in AMC Dumpsters the very next day! Captain Spaulding is joining forces with Princess Melita Bonaparte in an effort to protect this highly dismissed & unprotected legacy of our culture.
“I just want Paramount to stop calling me about my car. I don’t have a car. Put me in a blockbuster film, and everyone will be happy as a foot long Subway sandwich!”
If only Captain Spaulding would stop digressing & write a dissertation about this art work not being taken seriously by the film industry, maybe he’d get a trip to Stockholm out of the deal, and Princess Melita Bonaparte would get her grave back & she could haunt it happily ever after.
We just have to clam up on that one. It looks as if someone glued a Subway Footlong on Captain Spaulding’s head & he didn’t get it. Poor thing!
If you can’t get Captain Spaulding’s look-alike out of your mind, contact Paramount Studios. Tell them to bring back the Studio System, give him a ten picture contract & all will be well with the world.
A VOTE FOR CAPTAIN SPAULDING LOOK-ALIKE IS A VOTE FOR AMERICA!
This Captain Spaulding look-alike may creep you out, but he is the hope of America & for a world United against taking cinema promotional art & sticking in into a dumpster. “No more Dumpster Babies made of cardboard,” he implores. “Call Paramount-put me in pictures!”
Let us do everything we can to help Captain America!
Here is proof that the Captain Spaulding look-alike does his part to help Captain America!
“If I can’t get into pictures, I’ll answer the want ads,” says the Captain Spaulding Look-alike. “I just want to do my part for Captain America.”
CAPTAIN SPAULDING IS MORE THAN A CARDBOARD DECORATION WAITING TO BE DUMPED!
Can you help Captain Spaulding stand up for Film Promotional Art? Can you keep him from ending up rotting in the Dumpster @ 1000 Van Ness Avenue? Can film promotional art be saved? Maybe the Greek Monarchy can help us?
Site of the Missing Grave For Paranormal activities–gone, gone, gone
Site of the missing grave for Paranormal Activities–taken away before the film had even completed its theatrical release & tossed in the dumpster! What a loss for film fans!
Captain Spaulding was created by Rob Zombie, who makes films. His look-a-like wears a costume courtesy of Spirit Halloween Costume Stores, and his graven image is due to the technology of Dreambox.
Thomas Outt 