Princess Melita Bonaparte Shares Her Pop Tart Recipe With The World

Her Serene Highness, The Princess Melita Bonaparte, unselfishly shares her most splendid way of serving nutritional benefits via her Kellogg’s unfrosted, strawberry Pop Tarts recipe. She uses a family heirloom Kitchenaid toaster, a knife, and a simple brown plate, a gift to her from the children of Monaco. She opens the foil wrapping of the Pop Tarts, takes each Pop Tart & places them in a very royal manner in the toaster. While they are heating, she cuts 4 small slices of Kraft Philadelphia Original Cream Cheese. After the Pop Tarts come out of the toaster from their initial heating, she burns her hand, one completely falls apart, but her sense of royal duty, noblesse oblige, and sheer will to share her goodness with the world prevail, and she more fully explains how, by placing the Pop Tarts adorned with the slices of Philadelphia Cream Cheese, that the additional toasting time allows the flavours to meld & the cheese to soften.

When done, she is unable to taste them before the camera, but always wishes her millions of fans & followers world-wide, Bon Appetit!

Remember, not to watch this at work, she warns you that you should be working. And if you are on a cellular telephone, to let the next bus come by as watching this is more important than getting to your destination!

Royal Nuptials Unite Imperial Couple

The Burger King, happy before his marriage to Princes Melita Bonaparte

The Burger King, happy before his marriage to Princes Melita Bonaparte

Will Holy Matrimony give equality to the Bonaparte Princess & the King of Burgerland?

Will Holy Matrimony give equality to the Bonaparte Princess & the King of Burgerland?

Her Serene Highness, The Princess Melita Bonaparte, decided Glenn Acornn was “officially dead” due to Twinkie Deprivation. “He was like a murderous form of Panda & could eat only one thing: Twinkies,” reported the Princess. “It was much easier to collect the life insurance & run, and along the way I met the Marvelous Magical Burger King.” It seems that it’s a match made in heaven for the dynamite Bonaparte Princess & the King of Char-broiled Burgers.

Word has it that the ‘officially dead’ husband murdered at least two of their children, Prince Pierre & Prince Louis. The other two children ran away out of fear for their lives. The Princess was informed that her only daughter, Princess Antoinette Bonaparte, was eaten alive–and did not survive long after Easter Sunday, being a chocolate Bonaparte Easter bunny. It is believed that a similar fate may have literally consumed her shy, reclusive, scholarly son, Prince Roland Bonaparte II. Her life with Glenn Acorrn was far more sordid than anything before, during, and after Valley of the Dolls or Peyton Place.

Happiness & security have long been elusive for this Bonaparte whose Great-grandfather, Prince Roland Bonaparte, was excluded from the Imperial Line. This dynastic exclusion has simply fueled ambitions for Princess Melita to not merely survive, but to prevail.

Ambassadorship to Antarctica, annexation of Monaco, Mayoralty of Detroit–all are but starting points for Princess Melita in her drive to unite all nations of the world under her direct, unquestioned rule.

When confronted with discussion about a democratic process, she quips, “Too expensive to keep building those Presidential Libraries. They are bankrupting the people. I can wear diamonds over & over again at half the cost.”

Who can argue this logic? Let’s wish them a long & prosperous reign & marriage.

Will marriage make  the Burger King Imperial?  He has come a long way since ascending the throne as a boy-king back in 1957.

Will marriage make the Burger King Imperial? He has come a long way since ascending the throne as a boy-king back in 1957.


Sometimes (about one time a week) I like to come to SAM’S DINER for breakfast on my way to work.  It’s simple, not too expensive, and the quality of the food is good–what I call a sort of upgraded Middle West breakfast.  ‘Upgraded,’ meaning that the chef takes care to keep the traditional bacon & eggs from being saturated with cooking oil.  They offer a choice of toast, mine being sourdough bread, making for a change from that gummy, bleached-flour, stuff I grew up with that passed as bread, to real bread that you actually have to chew, that has weight, texture, and flavour. You can actually spread jam on it, and the bread has tensile resistance, permitting the diner to add a few more enjoyable calories in terms of jam or jelly!


Located 1220 Market Street–Easy access via MUNI, Civic Center, across the street from the Whitcomb Hotel. Bon appetit!

INGREDIENTS!–What’s There Not To Trust?

Think of all the things you didn't bargain for when you eat orange, pink, or green.

Think of all the things you didn’t bargain for when you eat orange, pink, or green.

Corn syrup, high fructose corn syrup, water, sugar enriched bleached & unbleached flour (wheat flour, malted barley flower niacin, reduced iron, thiamin mononitrate, riboflavin, folic acid*, )  coconut (with sodium metabisulfite to preserve whiteness*) eggs, soybean oil.  Contains 2% or less of each of the following:   Cocoa  (processes with alkali, palm oil, dextrose, gelatin, leavening (baking soda, sodium acid pyrophosphate, monocalcium phosphate), modified corn starch, wheat gluten, egg yolks, corn starch, mono-and diglycerides, salt, datem, sodium stearoyl lactylate, polysorbate 60, soy lechithin, cellulose gum, lactic acid, sorbitan monostearate, artifical flavours*, citric acid, xanthan gum, caramel colour, preserved with potassium sorbate, sorbic acid and sodium propiponate.

IF ORANGE:  contains FD&C yellow #5, FD& red#40.

IF PINK: contains coloured with vegetable juice, FD&C red#40 aluminum lake

IF GREEN:  contains FD&C yellow #5 lake, FD&C blue #1 lake



*Folic Acid? Is this the stuff that drains from your hair if you use conditioner? Recycled?
*They bleach the flour, then preserve the whitness? Double Trouble for digestive system!
*Artificial? At some point, this becomes redundant!
The whole thing is a mess & we are allowed & encouraged to eat it. Then we make co-payments to our doctors due to the various ills that befall us.